Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
