Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
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