i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
