Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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