Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Randomize
