Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
