she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
