I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize