After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
someone owes me an orgasm
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
