i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize