Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
