i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How external is "for external use only"?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
