You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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