you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
drinking out of a sandbucket again
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
