so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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