I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
