Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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