Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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