If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
