All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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