There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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