I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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