The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
