how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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