Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
