yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
