took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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