ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize