He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
