Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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