Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Success! We fucked roommates!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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