Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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