Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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