When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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