Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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