I'm so fucking centered right now
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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