if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
