cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
