I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize