Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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