Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
