Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
