I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
