she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
