You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
