There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
