NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
