Your dad touched me again.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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