I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
