we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
