Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Oh god it's open bar.
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