Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sober January is a disaster.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Is that strawberry winking at me??
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
