Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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