if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize