i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize