I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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