Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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