apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
