apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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