Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
