Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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