it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
