we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
