i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
