You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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