I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
