a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
