dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
