I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
