i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
