Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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