So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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