If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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