shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
