don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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