i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize