UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
