i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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