i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
