The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
