Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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